Information on this website is created to help all victims of abuse, especially those who are Christians or “Christ-followers.” It was created to help and inform domestic violence victims, survivors, their friends, families, caregivers, and employers to understand the realities of abuse and how to help the victims. The information not intended to take the place of professional counseling or advice.
Statistics show the abuser can be female as well a male. However, statistics also show over 90% of domestic violence is perpetrated by men against women and therefore, this information will refer to the victim as female and the abuser as male.
What is Abuse and Domestic Violence?
“Domestic Violence or domestic abuse is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.” (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence) Physical, emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, and psychological are the main categories of abuse.
Are You in an Abusive Relationship?
Place a check mark next to the right of statements that are true for you.
|Red Flags of Abuse: How to Spot an Abuser: Includes Physical, Emotional, Verbal, and Psychological|
|You feel like you are walking on eggshells, even though he says he loves you.|
|He refuses to help you when you are sick, injured, or pregnant.|
|He calls you or your children bad names.|
|He is jealous, angry, and accuses you of flirting or having sex with other men.|
|He publicly shows sexual interest in other women.|
|He commits sadistic and hurtful sexual acts.|
|He humiliates you or your friends and family in public.|
|He keeps you from working and controls your money.|
|He lies and breaks promises continually.|
|He has a sense of entitlement and superiority.|
|He blames you and other people for his faults and mistakes.|
|He subjects you to reckless driving or prevents you from driving.|
|He punches walls, slams doors, and brakes your belongings.|
|He gets in your face or positions himself to tower over you.|
|He shoves, pushes, thumps, bruises, cuts, scrapes, or chokes you.|
|He gives you the silent treatment or uses guilt to get his way.|
|He drinks alcohol, uses drugs or picks fights.|
|He hurts your pets.|
|He threatens to take the children away or abandon you.|
|He isolates you from friends and family or prevents you from accessing any support system.|
|He threatens to harm himself or others.|
|He forces you to have sex or touch you when you don’t want him to.|
|He threatens to kill you.|
|He constantly quizzes you about where you have been, who you were with, and what you discussed.|
|He Sends you abusive texts, emails, or via any other social media.|
|He sends you electronic viruses.|
|He posts improper or enticing information on the internet, with your private information available.|
|He follows you everywhere–he stalks you.|
If you answer yes to any of these questions, please call a local safe house or shelter or the NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE OPEN 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE); or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD HEARING IMPAIRED).
Call for help to create a personalized, practical, safe plan that includes ways for you and your children to remain safe now, while you are planning to leave, and after you leave. Here is a link for a safety plan.
Know the Facts of Domestic Violence
- 1 out of every 3 women are abused at least once in their life time, including Christians women.
- Domestic violence happens in all kinds of families, financial status, cultures, locations, races, religious and age groups throughout the world.
- Victims never control an abuser’s attitude, words, or actions and therefore they are not to blame for the abuse.
- Abuse is motivated by power and control. It is not about anger. Anger management methods do not work because they do not address the root-cause of abuse. Abusers believe it is okay for them to be disrespectful, dishonoring, violent, or use any other means to keep power and control in a relationship.
- Drug or alcohol abuse may intensify the existing abuse, but it does not cause domestic violence.
- Abusers choose to abuse.
- Every 9 seconds in the United States, a woman is battered by her husband or partner. The FBI estimates abuse will happen to 1 out of every 2 women in their lifetime.
- Domestic violence includes physical, verbal, emotional, or psychological abuse resulting in low self-esteem, depression, and loneliness for the victim.
- Studies show in an abusive home, 50-70% of children are also being abused. Children suffer physical, emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and developmental impairment from witnessing domestic violence at home.
I have provided a summary of formal descriptions. These are not legal descriptions, only my summary. If you have any questions, please call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline and talk to a professional trained in abuse and domestic violence. Also look up local safe houses or shelters for abused women for help.
www.NCADV.org National Coalition Against Domestic Violence